oddest weekend ever..

well. since thursday night its been possibly the oddest weekend of my entire life

i came home on thursday from having my carpet put down in the pub

to tidy my room and pack some stuff. which ended well actually, for once.

i rang antz to see what he was doing/if he wanted to do anything

which he just fancied monging out, which was fair enough

then i said that i wanted to stay over in the pub, and he said he'd stay with me :)

so i trailed over with my duvet and laptop and all sorts of shit

then went back to my house to meet him.

then obviously, when he turned up we went to the pub and watched blow :)

and cuddled up on the couch. which was lovely

i went downstairs to get some crisp and some woman asked where my girlfriend was

i laughed in the face and corrected her on the gender of antz!

shes was rate embarrased! :) i rofl'd!!

then on friday, we got up at like dinner time

nat came around to drop some stuff off.

and the plan began then, we went to nats old house and got some of her clothes

she went to the hairdressers and me and antz went getting my flat keys cut and some underwear

he didnt seem to impressed by this part! ahhaaa :D

although i could see him eyeing up the frilly french knickers ;)

i might invest in some. mmm

ahhaaa. then i met up with nat and we went to the tudor for some dinner and a pint

then went back to the flat and monged out

we ordered in an indian, which lasted about an hour in my stomach.. :/

nice.

then the drinking began and we were off our faces before we went out at 11!

ELEVEN FUCKING PM!

it was pureee late when we went out, but too early for lux, and it was shit inside

so we trekked over to maximes

where we spent the entire time avoiding the creepy guy with the ICP painted face

soo then we walked back to lux where not much happened..

we were home by 2.30! it wasnt right.

it took me a good 20 minutes to get into the pub with all the keys and doors and cobbles and stairs!

ahhhaa :D

when nat went to bed about 4 me and antz just stayed up all night talking about stuff

it was just dead nice. both shit faced chatting shit at each other :)

then he went home and was supposed to be going to manchester

but he pure just died when he got in! ahhaa bless him

then today i just did a 6 hours shift after getting in at 4am

doing 12pm-6pm with amanda in the pagefield.

now im at my mums and ive just eaten a sunday roast

and im going to pack some stuff and go back to the pub

and go get shitfaced with antz, amanda and mikeymikeymikemike bean! HAHA!

i shant be blogging much anymore as im busy and i dont get internet connection in the pub until we get it installed!

ciao :)

a lovely wednesday.

i am currently updating from the comfort of my back garden in the sunshine

well technically im in the shade

purely because antz is a vampire and doesnt like the sun

but currently theres a paddling pool set up with my name on it

its supposed to be for my sister

bollocks to that

as soon as the water warms up im fucking in there!

im supposed to be in the flat right now

but fuck it. its far to warm

mmm, i might go get another ice lolly :)

i love summer sun 

flat update

after this mornings ordeal.

i rang him, and he just dismissed it.

so i went round to the flat to paint

i was far to upset to bother

our sharon turned up with the couch.

so that was a bonus, its dead comfy

then i came home. thats it really.

seriously fucking dunno what to do.

i was gonna go round his but after looking at her twitter

she's fucking there.

she's there more than i am, but he doesn't wanna be with her

or so he says.

he better fucking pick up his phone later.

seriously.

if he's fucking the both of us in his bed

and then fucking me around.

i'll fucking kill him.

fucking fantastic

THIS is what i got home to this morning

this has been taken in the past few fucking days

lets see what fucking excuse hes got for this one!

fucking PRICK!

after all the bullshit he fed me on sunday

i stayed over at his the past 2 nights. and now this.

why am i being taken for a mug?

and why am i letting him?

:( fuck this..

after a wank weekend

basically, amy sent me a nice message asking if i was ok after my last rant of a blog

my reply to her message is the majority of this blog. i copied and pasted

its 10am, i cant be arsed typing the same thing out twice! :) ahhaaa.

quote:

well. i didnt think he would, but he came in work too see me last night about 10.30 and just looked at me, i physically had to hold back tears, and he just cuddled me and apoligized, he didnt even fully know what he'd said.

he was drunk & stoned at the time. he's promised to stop getting wasted and smoking pot at the same time, he is an arsehole when hes been doing both. one or the other is fine, hes lovley :)

He wanted me to stay at his last night, so i did, and we had a good chat when we was watching a film all snuggled up in bed :) just talking about stuff and apologizing for all sorts of stuff

when i told him what he'd said, about never wanting to see me again for my own good etc, he just looked ashamed, he couldn't apologize more, he's never sounded so sincere before.

he says he meant what he said, just in the wrong words, he didn't mean to fuck me off... because were not together, like bf & gf, he feels like hes messing me around, like im waiting for him, i told him that if i didnt wanna wait, or couldnt be arsed then i wouldnt. im a stubborn cow like that.

i know hes cheated on like all of his ex's and hes got with them pretty much straight away, so i dunno, maybe im special :) considering most of his ex's are skinny scene girls with bigger hair than their waists :)

so we've agreed to kind of slow things down because he said he'll end up hurting me if we rush things and he doesnt wanna do that. 

the end of message to amy :)

so yeah, after crying my way through the weekend.

i have my anthonybean back :) and i love it.

i just hope things go so so so much better now.

fingers crossed.

i got thursday off at work for some reason. so maybeeee party on at IKON ;)

hint hint emma & amy ahhaa..

i might bring nat and some others and we'll get hammered! rofl. it'll be awesome.

if theres 4 of us from wigan its a cheap taxi home :)

and an awesome night out

im thinking of giving friday a miss. i need to get the flat sorted

so i can have awesome parties ahhaaa :D

priority ;)

no matter what, im there for you.

well. he didnt show up in work last night.

and today. hes been at her fucking house

in her fucking bed. twitter informs me of everything.

and then going watching transformers with her.

when i was going to take him tomorrow.

fuck you then.

i held it together in work last night. just..

all ive done all fucking weekend is cry when ive been on my own.

alot.

i wish he was fucking here. :'(

what do you do when youve fallen in love with someone

and they want nothing to do with you 

but they said they love you too?

i'll never be anyone's someone ever again...

i hope he comes in tonight. i just wanna see him

and get a sober explantion from him..

my awesome friday night..

i forgot where i got up to in my last blog.

i dont know if i even wrote anything about friday.

so yeah, once upon a time

there was a 19 year old female from wigan

who was getting ready in her bedroom to go out with her friends

drinking malibu from the bottle while applying liquid eyeliner

she decided this probably wasnt a good idea.

so after meeting people in the tudor for some drinks

then trekking over to the boulevard to watch some bands

and meet her girlies.

and have alot more drinkies.

they walked over to the lux, where drunken podium dancing

being generally shitfaced & making a tit out of herself occured

just as usual...

ahhhaa. why am i writing like that?

thats well gay

anyway yeah, i got proper fucking shitfaced.

like stupidly drunk, i could barely walk

ahhaaa. then antz wanted to go to fever.

so obviously, after the other week when he went without me

i went. why wouldnt i?

so it was just me and him, we stayed for 1

then went outside so he could have a smoke

he made himself sick. yum.

then he walked me home, not before making a stop at his place to get me a hoodey

and i didnt even ask. :)

then, on the way home he told me that he wanted us to be just friends again

because he'll never treat me right apparently. 

so between sobbing my heart out on him and trying to not let my eyeliner stream down my face

i was just shaking, i couldnt let go of him.

i cant let go of him.

im crazy about him. absolutely fucking crazy.

even lora said last night that i look smitten with him

and its true.. i pretty much love him..

so im gonna ring him in a bit, because he asked me too ring him.

im not being stalkerish.

i got in at 5am. its now 1pm

and ive had about 30 minutes sleep between crying and thinking and panicing.

i cant lose him.. i just cant. meh

you look so much cuter with something in your mouth..

well. i havent blogged for a whole week

im feeling slightly withdrawn!

not much has actually happened this week.

stayed at sharons on friday with richard & antz

richard couldnt get home bless him

antz left at 6.30am to go to alton towers

i was slightly jealous, but chuffed that i could mong out all day

saturday i just died most of the day

went home for some stuff

then went to the pub to meet antz. he didnt show up.

he shoed up at 12.30 sunday night. 27 hours fucking late!

rofl. he like passed out when he gotten home after alton towers

i could hardly be mad at that

then he stayed monday, tuesday and wednesday too.

not much happened on these days, just drinking

and the college end of year show (which wasnt that amazing tbh..)

not given me much faith for next year.

i'll show 'em something they need to learn ;)

stayed at antz's last night which was nice :) 

just been cuddling him for like 6 out of 7 night this past week

hopefully i'll get to stay at his tonight aswell :)

been painting the flat alot this week too.

my uncle came over today and i persuaded him to put a lock on the front door

so he did :) so now he have keys

hurrah. just need keys to the actual pub now and everythings done

my room is looking immense. i'll take a picture tomorrow :D

so now, its friday again :)

and i have the friday feeling.

i need to fake tan urgently..

& ive developed an odd obsession with nickelback....

:)

re-kindled

after getting dressed and ready

adam got talking to me on facebook

and now were meeting up in an hour

so like 9.30 in officers :)

to drink wine and take precarious amounts of narcotics :)

then off to boulevard to watch the shit bands

then off to lux to dance the night away

then back to my house for a little party

hopefully we'll pick up anthonybean along the way :)

im meeting bexx the sexx at quarter past at the shop.

she wants filthy nicotine :)

tonights attire:

and a proper picture. not trying to myspace rofl

and my lovely face

sorry about this. i'm slightly drunk

and i think this is fucking hilarious

roll on the good times :)

i'll post stupid pictures tomorrow rofl

have fun everyone :D

no friday feeling

ive picked up.

so im sorted for the whole weekend.

i just feel ill.

antz isnt picking up his phone

so i dunno if/when he's coming out

but ive gotta pack my stuff and move into my auntie's for a week

fun =/

so ive gotta start getting ready

to not know if were even going out

i dont think nat's coming out

because shes in work all tomorrow.

mehh

everyones at fucking download.

i should be there. its wank!

but..

i made like £18 in tips ;)

some guy fancied me

and kept buying me shots and tipping me like £1.50/2 a time

awesomeeee :)

and kept having drinks bought me

go bekibean for being awesome!

bulldozers & barfights

work was horrific

was going swimming

me & caroline running about like blue arsed flies

nice and busy. lost of people to serve

lots of things to do. poker on in the back

all sorts.

then coopers dad started kicking off with this big guy

because he'd drank their shots. which is fair enough

he asked him nicely to buy him some more then the other guy was like

"wtf you gonna do if i dont?"

then the shit began.

i ran over to try and stop it.

coopers dad twated this other guy square in the face

blood splattered all over me.

then everyone else joined in.

im stuck in the middle of 7 guys (who were like bulldozers)

fighting

i got kicked in the back, punched in the rib/stomach and punched in the collarbone

and to to it all off

someone threw a full pint of lager

it hit me on the head and soaked me.

whilst in covered in about 3 different bloke's blood.

not nice. panic attack.

we had to shut the bar, i ran upstairs with my inhaler and rang antz in a blind panic

crying and sobbing down the phone

i then went back down and had to shout at far too many people for harassing me because we'd shut the bar

thennn i had to stop a guy twating my boss with a pool ball. wtf.

psycho's.

police were called & i think they want a statement from me.

fun.

all in a days work. =/

and its not like 4 in the morning

and ive gotta be up at like 10.30 to paint the flat and stuff

and im still stupidly ill.

fuck this.

yucky.

after cleaning out the flat yesterday

(which is fucking massive btw)

i went home and had a bath

rang antz to tell him i was coming for him

but i couldnt go in because he had a visitors ban

because silly anthonybean spent his rent in fever last friday.

idiot pidiot.

so i refused to go back home, so i went for a pint or two.

and rang him on the way back

offered to lend him money for rent, which he refused until i forced him

so then i got to stay over :)

after watching him play on skate 2 for like over an hour

we went for food then got into bed afterwards.

snuggled up watching the mighty boosh and fell asleep

woke up the the theme tune about 6 this morning ahhaa.

then at like 9 i crawled out of bed and went and got my mums anniversary pressie

some cute little vase thing :)

still gotta wrap that actually.. =/

i saw dannys nan in wigan

totally ignored me.. meh

so i text him saying i'd seen her

and then he's calling me a bitch and saying everyone hates me

that he doesnt want me to speak to him ever because he cant handle it.

told me he's seeing other people, which is good.

at least he's getting on.

but saying thats ive been saying all this horrible stuff about him is wrong.

ive not said anything bad about him, not like that.

he's a nice guy with the biggest heart.

we were together for over 2 years, why would i hate him?

but yeah whatever.

everyone hates me. lovely.

im going back to sleep. im far too tired

and i feel so ill its unreal.

sexy <3

he is hot as hell though <3

phwoarrrrr ;)

jealousss bitchessss <3

;) ;) ;)

jeep feet.

mother nature would be proud of me right now

its 5.41am and ive just walked home with jelly legs ;)

after a shit start to a shift

all ill and i could barely speak.

panicing that antz hated me or something

basically his phone died and he'd lost his charger

then he went and met his mum & she bought him a new one

then he went home, charged up his phone

and got various abusive messages 8-) rofl.

but then very apologetic ones

he came into work with my stuff and to see me :)

he stayed for agessssss.

and then offered to walk me home.

but obviously, he hijacked me like last week

and we sat in the shelter under a duvet talking for aaages about stuff

then we did the rudeyyyy ;)

for like.. an hour =O ahhaaa.

fun fun fun.. im hoping there's no cameras around there ahhaaa.

so then i decided i needed to go to bed and couldn't sleep there again

so i walked home. in 2 hoodey's

both his :) rofl

i looked like this.

actually.. i still do. minus the hoodey's!

evidently far too happy for 5.30 in the morning

so now, i am going to go to sleep.

because i am going cleaning out my new flat tomorrow :)

meeting the girls at 1.

and antz's is coming after tng :)

fun fun fun fun fun

g'nightttttt

i hate today

meh. for fucks sake

i woke up at 4. so like 10 minutes ago

rang antz, he was well funny with me on the phone

and put it down on me.

and i dont even know fucking why?

wtf

it should be me whos fucking angry

when i was walking to work yesterday i saw her royal fucking cuntness!

walking into his flat.

so wtf? i txt him saying "it'd alright if i didnt just see her walking into yours"

then i fucking apologised. and hes in a strop with me

id love to know what shes been saying about me.

or maybe he's feeling guilty about something. i swear to fucking god.

if he's done anything with her i will kick the shit out of them both!

im sick of this.

what have i done to actually deserve any of this?

really..

what have i done? erm lemme think

FUCK ALL

now ive got to go to work in this mood

and im ill as fuck too.

fuck this.

the saturday feeling

eughh. i feel so rotten its unreal.

i spent most of the night putting my jaw back in place

whilst chewing on it & gurning

antz bugarred off for like over 2 hours smoking pot

he came back in a lovely mood ahhaa.

he sulked alot because he couldnt stay at nat's.

then when we went to fever, she said he could stay 

as long as he smiled and shook his peachy peach (his bum)

& he did. :) rofl..

me and antz had some odd conversations.

like we cant start "sexually experimenting" 

until we've had sex like 20 times. WHAT? sod that.

my god it was an odd night.

between being off our faces, me finding a passed out guy

arguing alot, passing out on the couch and feeling really ill right now

it was a good good night. a few hiccup's yeah, but nothing to spoil my night

quotes of the night:

antz: im gonna do beki over that table

nat: you might wanna do it over that one, its more square

antz: nahh, i like round things

me: thats why he likes me :)

me: adammmmjamesss, im going to find my anthonybean

adam: what? youre going to find your virginity

me: yes adam.. thats exactly what im doing at 2.30 in a morning whilst off my face

me: antz, theyve all been laughing at me

antz: im sure theyve not

me: oh no, they have

antz: why?

me: maybe its got something to do with that fact that i licked billy..

erin: oh my god im so drunk

me: i get like this every week

erin: youve just tried to kill yourself?

me: what? no.. =/

nat: billy, why do you keep pulling beki's top down and covering mine up? (meaning our boobs)

billy: because unlike her, youve got something to hide

me: *slaps billy*

friday feeling.

well.

considering its now after 6 & there is still no sign of nat being alive

im going to antz's to get ready and drink precarious amounts of alcohol :)

i need some other goodies too.

and something to eat. otherwise i'll be a wreck by 11pm.

and she never sleeps are playing at the boulevard tonight :)

sexy sexy sexyyy

if i end up at home tonight

i'll repost when im plastered

and see if i can make sense of anything when i wake up ;)

thats always fun

wish me luck..

scene cake.

so, a run down of my lovely afd.

14 hours of pouring pints and working my ass off

i asked amanda to move in with me.

she said yes, so thats awesome :)

then later on, nat & caz came in

and nats moving in to :)

so yeahhhh. we're gonna get a pole

& amanda's gonna teach me how to pole dance rofl

so, between drinking merrydown and getting drunk

and squeaking and dancing with amanda alot

it was a nice shift.

i was knackered by the end of it

i think you know youre nice to work with

when another member of staff (amanda)

wants to swop the shift permanantly with caz

because she prefers to work with me :) rofl.

i feel so nice and priviledged.

the plan today was to go to manchester

but i feel ill as fuck and i need some sleep

and nats not feeling to sparkling

so we're gonna recouperate and meet in the pub later for lunch :)

as per.

but yeah. i stayed at antz's last night

i fell asleep as soon as i got in practically.

then tossed and turned alot of the night

he was shattered to, and when hes like that he takes up all the room

half asleep

all i feel is this arm wrap around me and say "natalie, come here"

im not fucking natalie. im beki

natalie is youre ex love.

needless to say i got on the couch.

im not angry, it was a dream.. im just pretty upset.

so now ive blogged and got it all out of my system

im going to sleep

before i go to the pub.

definately messy tonight. i need AND deserve it..

a lovely treat.

i forgot to show you the gorgeous horsefly bites on my back

i forgot id even took a picture.

avert your eyes if you think shit like this is sick

eww..

they're far worse than this now

at least i have a nice bra on :)

the best picture.

of me and emma ever.

i think its fucking amazing

go me & being drunk & amy's fisheye camera <3

monday & chewsday

we didnt end up going to the pig squealing thing

ahhaa. we monged out and watched fight club instead

:) after we ate cheesy chips and gravy

and he played on resident evil 5.

got woke up by the guy who does the pig squealing at like 3.30am

which was dead funny.

he was shit faced and fancies antz

i pissed him off by stating 

"you think hes hot, i get to sleep next to it and fuck it"

he wasnt to impressed by this remark :)

rofl. im a bint

i woke up in the morning feeling awful

went for the train to manchester

bought a sailor top and a sailor hat for my outfit

then went to leeds.

trekked about, bought booze and bbq stuff

pathetic attempt much?

emma befriended an inflatable shagging sheep

then we continued to drink and get slightly plastered

then getting ready and walking to fab cafe' in out outfits was funny

the night after this was full of drunken lora and couples fighting

(see facebook for all of the pictures)

me & lora went to cockpit on our own and looked like twats

danced all night :) was awesomeeeee

woke up this morning

packed my bag and went :)

felt so good to have something proper to eat & a nice bath 

i wore more alcohol than i drank..

it was horendous

& i walked in on emma having sex!

it wellll made me laugh :)

so now, im gonna get dressed and ready

and go see my natalie bean and keep her company

then go see anthony later :)

love it.

bulmers weather

considering i hate bulmers

be reet.

gorgeous day

nat rang me at like 3.30 and dragged me to the pub

(not that i said no..)

drank my weight in cranberry juice and had a wedge barm

sat outside listening to some tunes :)

awesome day

i just feel really sick from having no sleep.

but im going meeting antz in an hour

then we're off to bolton

to watch some guy he knows in a band pig squealing.

sexyyy

then sexy sexy sexy time.

why i feel the need to inform the whole world

(or whoever's bored enough to read this)

of my sex life :)

ta daa

my mummy couldnt get me a hat

so its off to manchester to find one before i get the coach tomorrow

traa

june?

already?!?!?!

fuck off.

its nearly christmas!

smoking shelters after hours

after my blog ranting about the weather

work was crap

no one was in & in was boring

antz came in with jason later on and they got drunk

which is always fun to watch :)

then i planned to walk home

but i got hijacked and they made me stay with them

so we ended up in a smoking shelter behind antz's flat

wrapped up in duvets chatting shit at each other

me & antz had a proper good chat while jason snored his ass off

it was so sweet :)

we cleared the air and we've decided to start a fresh.

but oh my gooddd, lol.

we were talking about sex and stuff for ages

and he's well kinky rofl. proper into some awesome stuff

so tonight should be fun when i stay over ;)

rofl. gonna get messy then stay over

and go to leeds with an awesomely sexy hangover

then top up & party on with my sexy ladies

my motherbear is in town as we speak buying me a captain hat :)

lol. shes far too awesome for her own good is my mother.

but yeah.

gig tonight in bolton :)

awesomeness. then lots & lots of sex :)

mwhahahhahaha

oh & the tramp called ME a psycho on her myspace

rofl. she needs to take a reality check

id love to get my hands on her :)