i swore

that this picture would never get published on the internet.

but when i found it in my recycle bin

i have never laughed so hard in my life

amy im sorry.

but it had to be done.

i love how you dont even care until you'd realised what id done :D

iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you 

Cause I know that you feel me somehow 

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be 

And I don't want to go home right now 

And all I can taste is this moment 

And all I can breathe is your life 

Cause sooner or later it's over 

I just don't want to miss you tonight 

And I don't want the world to see me 

Cause I don't think that they'd understand 

When everything's made to be broken 

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming 

Or the moment of truth in your lies 

When everything seems like the movies 

Yeah you bleed just to know your alive 

And I don't want the world to see me 

Cause I don't think that they'd understand 

When everything's made to be broken 

I just want you to know who I am 

I don't want the world to see me 

Cause I don't think that they'd understand 

When everything's made to be broken 

I just want you to know who I am 

I just want you to know who I am 

it came on shuffle and i burst out crying

this will never not fail to make me cry. ever (L)

prestonia, being erica and drag racing

well, i didnt end up staying for long in preston

mat had split up with his gf and that would have been awkward staying over

and then he had lectures this morning

so we went to starbucks where we chatted on for hours and hours

then we went to waterstones where i bought a book on christian theology :)

then we went to wetherspoons for a beverage

:) then i ended up going home because he some uni stuff to do

gahh i miss him

then danny text me and we ended up at ants house with jo

which was nice. we were watching hollyoaks later & then being erica

we are rebels.

i ended up staying out and i woke up to the sound of xbox and drag racing

i pure passed out in bed

and was woken up by a day to remember screaming at me :)

so now im back at home and im going back to bed before i have to go feed the dog at my mums

& work laterr :(

disco's & mousse

ive sat here for an hour eating chocolate mousse and disco's

fatty fatty fatty

:)

i love being me on lazy days

i ate a mousse with my fingers just after id took my nailvarnish off

that was a taste sensation! :(

rofl.

so yeah. its like 1.30.

and im supposed to be in preston for about 3ish.

and ive not even had a shower and packed my shit yet! ahhaa

i think id better hop to it

fuck this

so yeah. i only did 2 things on my list.

but to be fair. finding out your best mate has been twated by her boyfriend

who's been locked up for assault and domestic violence

it kinda gives me a reason not to go to work and not to do my list.

i worry so much about her its unreal.

so while nat was in work i went for tea at bizzles

and talked to her dad about jimmi hendrix and LSD :)

then i went to see nat quite early on and i just kept her and the new girl company.

she's a rate laugh.

so, its now midnight

and im gonna pack my bag for tomorrow then watch the notebook with ice cream

i cant wait to get away from this place. even if its just for 1 day.

i miss mat and im sick of being here

oh, and i came home tonight being accused of stealing from amanda now.

because she left her bag in my room the other night while i was in work

i was in fucking work. and i didnt even know she'd left it in my room until i came home

to a note on my door asking to leave it outside her door.

anyone could have got to that bag,

but ohhhhh no, only fucking beki could have stole it!

i cannot fucking wait to get out of this place. im so fucked off.

i need a proper cuddle. off anyone.

i need a good cry :( just someone who gives a shit.

to just let me cry and release everything.

im sick of bottling up all my shit when theres no need for it.

i should have that someone whos there for me.

and i dont.

things to do today

1. clean out the turtles.

2. pluck the facial caterpillars.

3. shower

4. pack bag for Preston :)

5. find out train times

6. take off, buff & paints nails

7. tidy up my entire room

8. go buy turtle food

9. get rid of all the empty booze bottles hanging around & take rubbish out

10. change bedding

11. run round to mums for clean washing & give her my dirty washing

12. sort my greasssssy skin out

13. sit of facebook for the rest of the day after having some sleep

abuse

so yeah. after going to sleep around 5.30 this morning

im woken up by a text of nat at 6.30 telling me shes off her face in some guys house

then awoken AGAIN at 10.15 by billy screaming down the phone at me.

because i sent nat a text saying "fuck him, come out with me"

he needs to get off his high fucking horse and sort himself out.

& i realllly need to clean out my turtles, for i fear they hate me...

i need to tell someone how i feel!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :D

i told nat and shes wellllll chuffed.

i cant even announce it on here

because people bloody spy! and tell everyone everything else

oh & i am going to rip gaz bastard gruseome's face off!

keep chatting shit about me sweetheart

i'll love the consequences :)

im stuck in this fucking rut

waiting on a secondhand pick me up

getting olderrrrrrr (L)

:)

i love that songggg

*i loved tonight. i worked 8-12.45ishh.

tom turned up about 9.30 and waited for me until we'd finished

had a few drinks at the boulevard with nataliebeann :)

then went to indiependence and met billy.

just had a few drinks and stuff. was a nice night. :)

best ive had in a while.

i hate how i feel. i feel so guilty. i like him a little bit too much*

im sick of watching all the minutes pass while i go nowhere!

christ..

well i woke up at 4.30

so about 10 minutes ago, with a lux & indiependence stamp imprinted onto my face

sexy times! ahhhaaa :)

i woke up to the sound of my turtles trying to escape the tank.

i dunno wtf them 2 are up to, but theyve not been eating or anything

im gonna have to take them to the vet..

my shoulder is killinggggg me so badly, and the top of my spine.

and im starving.

and i feel like utter shite. :(

and i gotta go to work at 8. and i dont wanna.

its only until 12 but i still dont wannaaaaaaa. im tired as fuckkkk.

but if its gets me some dollar so i can go see Mat on monday that'd be awesome :)

im so excited to go see him, i havent seen him for like months and months and forever :(

gonna get drunk and catch up on stuff :) oh how i miss him.

so now, im gonna haul some pants on and go to the chippy. again.

ahhhaa and get me some breakfast/dinner/meal/whatever 

because im insides hate me right now :)

buhbyeeee

rollin' in with the milkman

so yeah. its like 6.30 in the morning

after paying antz, tara and erm.. some guy tara was with

i bought them all a drink and they all fucked off smoking for half an hour.

fun times.

where i was left dancing with some tosser to avril lavigne.

although i did have a fun time at work. and got some fun pictures :)

i pretty much feel wank.

so im gonna go to bed, and deal with all this shit when i can be arsed getting out of bed tomorrow.

msn spaces

so right yeah.

this girl pops up on msn yesterday

asking if i was bi, when i said yeah. she bombarded me with messages

telling me how much she would like to "stick a dildo in my ass"

and then sent me these ;)

ive pulled. ROFL

i thought she was hot until i got sent these::

i dont think shes my type ;)

personally. i dont even think it looks like the same person.

&& she has very weird nipples...

:/

growing up and growing old.

emma's 20 today.

i now know that my birthday is closing in too.

i dont wanna ever be 20. i think i can handle 21, 22 etc.

but 20. does that mean i have to grow up?

i know ive moved out and im independent, but it doesnt mean i have to grow up

surely?

:(

and once again im at work. sitting at the bar updating my blog

doesnt say much about the pub. its paying out more in wages than its earning.

im bored fuckless.

and i finish at 8. only to start at indiependence at 11 until 3am. bad times.

i cannot be bothered. i know i'll enjoy it when i get there.

but im just so tired.

and im back behind this bar for 2 hours tomorrow. wtf? i need sleeeeeeeep.

i dunno whats going on anymore. i wish things could be easier..

water lillies

i am utterly in love with this film.

tip of the day::

dont watch porn at work.

it doesnt help boredom.

it gives you filthy ideas..

;)

pikature updateee

ethernet.

oh my goodddddddd.
after weeks on end of speaking to engineers and all sorts of weird people
i have finally got the fucking internet working my god damn self.
all thanks to shitty firefox :) rofl.
wont bastarding work on safari. but still, firefox is better than fuck all :)
hurrah.
so right now, im currently at work with an empty bar blogging.
and im getting paid for this :) could life get any sweeter??

muhhh bizzle came round last night. well i met her at morrisons at 4 to get booze
pinaaaa collladddaaaa (L)
we came up with all sorts of random shit. like frontless ponchos
and me and muh abean decided that for my bucket list
were gonna go on a road trip and stop off at ireland to kiss the blarney stone, so stay out under the stars where im gonna get drunk and do a striptease and find a zoo along the way
and if im nice they'll buy me flowers. thats like 6 things in one go :)
and maybe we'll do some other stuff along the way. ohh my god im so excited.
i wanna go on holiday. i wanna stay in a caravan before it gets to cold to bother.

plan of action: for rest of my shift im gonna aimlessly browse the internet for shit
& maybe play some neopets ;) rofllll.
oh oh, next blog. im gonna upload all the pics ive been meaning to for agessss
oh joy :D

new house.

i need to move out.

anywhere, anyplace, with anyone.

i cannot live where i do anymore. its killing me

i cant even have people staying over =/

my aunt is so fucking pathetic.

i need somewhere else to live. i dont wanna move in at home..

i love my mum, but i cant move back in there.

its too cramped. im nearly 20. i need to get out and do my own thing..

anyone know anyone.

then lemma know..

drop out

im quitting college. its not that i cant hack it.

of course i can, its just not for me :(

and i purely cant afford it.

too much shits going on at the flat. and i may be getting thrown out soon

by my own auntie. family? apparantely fucking not.

im sick of the shit. its his bloody fault. trying to climb out my window the other night.

well, and mine obviously for having a massive hissy fit and screaming shit at him.

so mean.

but yeah, i havent posted a picture of my new tattoo up yet.

it still needs colouring. but i love it.

i just hope things will turn out for the best soon.

im sick of being messed around.

i love you, i love her, i hate you both.

:( meaniepants.

theres 2 of us both hating each other for the same reason.

its wank. whats the point..

bucket list.

20 things to do before i turn 20

1. Lose at least a stone (preferably 2)

2. Start swimming

3. Go to the zoo

4. Take a road trip

5. Have my fortune told

6. Make & eat space cakes

7. Have sex on public transport

8. Camp out and eat mushrooms ;)

9. Get life insurance

10. Kiss the blarney stone

11. Sleep under the stars, properly

12. Crowd surf

13. Dance in the rain

14. Go backpacking/hitch hiking to some random place

15. Do a striptease ;)

16. Take funny pictures of my face on a scanner

17. Play 'bogies' in an unappropriate place

18. Watch a sunset on a beach

19. Recieve flowers that arent actually for my birthday (it will happen one day)

20. Change my last name officially to talent

platic.

if i ever suggest going out on a sunday ever again. stop me.

the plan was for bizzle to come round and for us to go to boulevard for a few drinks and see nat.

when bizzle turned up, we did 4 shots of corky's white chocolate.

then a pint of cider for me & a vodka and coke for biz.

we then plodded onto the tavern where i started drinking jager. bad plan.

a brief trek to the boulevard where i consumed 6 double sailor jerrys and cokes

and a think a shot of absynthe. im not sure if i only suggested it..

when onward to gay night at baa bar. where 3 bottles and 8 shots occured.

then what i thought was the final stop, was chicago rock.

where i fell down the stairs, oh, and up them. danced like a tosserm and drank stupid amounts of cider.

oh no, i dont remember leaving and being carried to fever (which was my suggestion)

i merrily plonked myself on a bar stool and started to drink vodka.

the only thing after this point that i remember is almost kicking seven bells out of clare condon

falling backwards off the bar stool & chatting utter crap.

and i remember being on the floor for the majority of the time.

i woke up this morning with my hands covered in tiny, very sore cuts.

im assuming i fell over in fever onto broken glass.

last night was single handedly the worst drinking experience ive ever had.

worse than being 14 and getting bladdered off 4 litres of frosty jacks and waking up with fake tan on one arm and lieing in ketchup..

oh & im quitting college. bad times.

but work on friday was amazing. :) good times.

shit has hit the fucking fan.

we were supposed to be friends.

and now all of a sudden hes trying to shag everyone i know.

he's even text me saying "well i thinking about using her" about katie sloan.

the fat tramp who got us together. hes being such a nob.

calling antz all names under the sun. that boy dares fucking cross me

and im going to fucking punch him.

natalie (yes, burgoyne), i know you read this, he lives on 204 platt lane. go tp his house or something!!!!

I FUCKING HATE HIM. grrrr!

who does he think he is? calling me a slut and all sorts.

ohhh when im the one trying to shag everyone under the sun? arghhhh!

i knew things were going to well.

meh. nothing this week has gone all that well.

the policeman didnt turn up today for the interview, i skipped college for nothing. fucking arghhhh!

and the dogs been chewing at my toes, shoes, hoodie and everything else for the majority of the afternoon. mehh.

and now im going home to tidy up my shithole of a flat. and to clean out my turtles!

because theyre living in orange water?

Daniel piper. i hope you catch aids you fucking dirty pervert.

i fucking hate you. stay the fuck away from me.

i need a cuddle :(

pure having a good cry right now.

i dont wanna work tonight..

and i never realised how sexy she was until i saw this earlier.

now i know why antz wants to fuck her so badly.. rofl

MIKADO! (L)

well, after shopping with my father today (he spent a whole £30 on my food)

i ended up buying mikado. and ive fallen in love all over again :)

im covered in graphite pencil from college and my hairs a mess.

& i had to have one of them stupid passport picture things done for college. meh. its minginggggg. bleugh!

my homework for the next week is to grope people & appreciate the human form.

noiceee ;) fun times ahead.

500 days of cunt

this film is about me and danny.

i dont think i ever realised how much of a prick i was to him.

im so mean :(

im glad hes still my friend though :)

and last night i established my best friend.

and i love him forever. and ever. amen.

ily (L)

an untypical saturday

it was a typical friday.

shit faced before id even left the flat

watched a drag queen (this is becoming a regular occurence)

went to the tavern and wanted to steal the relentless glass.

kinda got myself a job at the tavern ahhaaa (just waiting on a phonecall)

trekked over to lux where ANTZ bought me a drink.

i actually nearly passed out when he offered me one lol. 8 months and thats the 2nd drink ever!

rofl. bad times. :) but fun times.

i got megaaaa drunk. like so bad i was propped up on the windowsill of harrys bar trying not to be sick.

me and adam spent quite a while taking pictures of ourselves doing scene kid poses and taking the piss out of BR00T4LZ kids. :) it was fun while it lasted!

ended up in fever (bad times. and never again!!!)

back to mine when i only went to sleep at 10 this morning (definately a typical thing)

i went to sleep until 3ish when my auntie rang me and asked me to work tonight

and then tried to go back to sleep, only to be woken up by a text off bizzle telling me shes in love with a boy. that certainly woke me up. SHES GAY! i think my heart actually stopped for a little while. i was soooo fucking scared..

then my father rang me to ask can he drop me a heater off and tea at my nans.

which i obliged to. of which i got fed a sunday roast :) i loved it. im happily stuffed now.

so im going to go back home and have a shower because i actually look disgusting.

and after SOMEONE threw up on my feet last night, theyre a bit minging to! ahhaa. dirty boy!

so now im going to plod along through work to pay my rent and then my plan for tomorrow is to do absolutely fuck all. not one thing. nada! :)

i love my life. hurrah.

ive just realised that when i get my laptop hooked up to my mums internet, ive got one massive blog with soooooo many pictures on to upload. ahhaaa :)

fun timess. i cant wait. i love it. it'll be like my life in 2 months viewed in photographs.

majority of them im shitfaced on anyway! roflz. fun times.

well yes, im going home and im going to get clean and work my bum off then go to bed and die a horrid death.

my tattoo's looking lovely and scabby right now aswell. its not so sexy times...

;) yeahhhhh

WILSONNN <3

I LOVE HIM LONGTIME (L)

gods a slut.

ive had my face pierced yet again. i had my vertical labret done. which kinda looks like this

(obviously not my face, im on my mums laptop and cant upload any of my pictures

i went back to college on monday, which was ace. and ive spent the past 2 and a half days making a venus fly trap out of newspaper. ahhaa. awesome or what?i'll upload a picture asap. im dead proud of it.

and we have a new member in our family.

we picked up wilson yesterday (being wednesday)

hes a king charles spaniel cavalier. and hes bloody gorgeous.

hes fat and he wiggles when he walks, and he just snuggles into you and is really loving

but has amazingly bad breath. ahha. its pure rank.

some bad stuff has happened this week, but i kind of cant talk about it.

all i can say is that the police are involved and im pretty pissed off. :(

but things are on the lookup jobwise.

i literally got a phonecall 5 minutes ago from a guy whos looking for a photographer

to do like "faces in places" kind of stuff, without the keyrings.

i'd just get to walk round the club all night taking pictures of people and bands.

its perfect for me. absolutely perfect.

theres a girl whos already got a trial for this friday, but he said he doesnt think shes right for it.

from what my mate mel told him, im perfect for the job :)

so im pretty fucking chuffed. im soooooooo excited.

i hope i get it, it'll be amazing :)

fingers crossed eh? :) i loveeeeeee it.

things arent going so well with a certain someone, being totally bloody ignored.

meaniepants!

fuck him. lets go!

i had a dream

that i stole all of natalie's french knickers

but she lived with me?

:/

how strange..

at least it wasnt the one about giving birth and it just falling out of me.

thats just weird..

this just made my week.

i thought all of these were destroyed.

i love you amypoo.

i think im supposed to be the one on the right, then amy, then lora then emma.

why's emma white?

:/

and why am i so skinny? :)

ahhh, the powers of the pencil.

IVE BEEN TO LEEEDS

this was my weekend. and i loved every single second of it.

lora & emma thought i'd died, but were relieved when they saw me on the big screen at billy talent

front and fucking center. just like i said i would be :)

i fought to get there by being twated by like 13 6"foot tall guys surrounding me

getting my top caught to one of their rhinestone covered demin jackets

fighting with a girl because i couldnt get my bag

having my elbow shattered by a tent pole. in the fucking pit!

then grinding up and down against a guy who i hardly knew

then getting kicked in the face by the bassist from anti-flag. he was forgiven.

he was hot. and i grabbed his crotch ;) he's one sexy sexy man.

then my boys finallly came on. and ben stared right at me when singing worker bee's

i cried.

christ. this was all in like, the last 3 hours of leeds ahhaaa.

the rest of the weekend consisted of;

beer bong fail's (video to be uploaded soon), cat faces, pear cider, long walks, pigs on sticks, ghost train, orange camp, blue camp, purple house tents, hot boys, random people, WIGANNN, waltzers, drop dead, meeting you me at six, harassing the bassist from you me at six ;), £2 bottles of pop, expensive food, yummy milkshakes, minging toilets, cold sleeping bags, oxfam rugs, knee high socks, yorkshire puddings, £4 pints, body bag rucksacks., my bag splitting in manchester picaddily station with my underwear hanging out everywhere, blue hair, tangerine hair loras shockiing pink hair, emmas glow in the dark hair (literally), wristbands, amaretto, mickey finns, wellies, and so so so so soooooooo much more.

the best fucking weekend of my entire life.

since i got back, ive just monged out, watched charmed, looked after my sister, cleaned out my turtles, had my hair done and painted my bathroom pink.

im currently at my nans stealing food, and ketchup :)

i love my nan.

i painted my bathroom pink today :)